Because I work hard, I’m given promotions. Is a wife supposed to submit in such situations? 7:12‑13). The sluggard says, “There is a lion in the road! First, the purpose of authority is to protect and bless those under authority, not to benefit the one in authority. Dr. David Hawkins, director of the Marriage Recovery Center, will address questions from Crosswalk readers in his weekly column. 10 Easy Ways to Get it Back, What to Do When Politics and Family Collide at Christmas, 5 Things Parents Should Know about "Soul", 9 Ways Grandparents Can Share Christmas This Year, Even from Far Away, New Podcast from Dan Darling: "The Characters of Christmas". First, the qualities Peter encourages these women to adopt apply to all Christians, both men and women. Furthermore, we live in a society that values individual rights, especially of those who are pushed down by the system (such as women). The Search OF the Savior: Why Jesus Came, Part 1 (Luke 19:1-10), Bible Storying Series - Teaching The Story Of God Chronologically, Bible Teaching Ideas: The Ten Commandments And Ten Fingers. Peter’s words, “do what is right” (3:6), show that he is not counseling sinful behavior in the name of submission to a disobedient husband. In an upcoming article, we will focus on a Christian wife’s responsibilities to her husband. Being a Good Husband. Proverbs is especially filled with wisdom concerning laziness and warnings to the lazy person. Wife abuse is widespread, even, sad to say, among evangelicals. My husband barely made it through college and has not held a full-time job since graduating. 34:12‑16; Ezra 9:1‑4). Her husband won’t distrust her because she’s a flirt with other men. He has excuses for everything, and I carry the responsibility for our income, paying the bills and caring for our home and two children. A lion is in the open square!” Proverbs 13:4. Copyright 1992, Steven J. Cole, All Rights Reserved. It’s tough enough to teach about the submission of wives to godly husbands. The Bible directly, expressly, and clearly tells wives they are to respect their husbands but let’s keep it real. Unfortunately, her husband didn’t share her capacity for wisdom and virtue. Solomon said it 3,000 years ago, and it’s still true, “It is better to live in a corner of a roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman” (Prov. Most of us are familiar with the family patterns in alcoholic homes, where a wife “enables” the husband in his wrong behavior. “Chaste” (3:2) can be translated “purity” (NIV). So I think we must interpret and apply them as written. Sex was meant as wonderful experience between husband and wife to provide physical, emotional and spiritual bonding. When you tell him that he must carry his … Second, God never tells husbands to get their wives to submit to them. I listened and then gently asked where in the Bible they found warrant for a wife leaving her husband because of drinking. On the other hand, a person under authority can be strong in arguing for a point of view and yet have a submissive attitude. Colossians 3:19 - Husbands, love [your] wives, and be not bitter against them. We’re so prone to react to wrong treatment with more wrong treatment and then to blame our sin on the other person’s sin. Attention. Nagging will drive your husband crazy, but it won’t drive him to Christ. One day he overheard someone say, “It was lucky for her that he was blind, since no one who could see would marry such a homely woman.” He walked toward the voice and said, “I overheard what you said, and I thank God from the depths of my heart for blindness of eyes that might have kept me from seeing the marvelous worth of the soul of this woman who is my wife. Photo credit: Unsplash/Aaron Burden. I think the answer is “Yes, but be careful!” Love seeks the highest good of the one loved, and sometimes that means confronting sin. Of course not. When Peter says that Sarah called Abraham lord, he is not setting down a mandate for all times. He fully takes his biblical role as a man providing for his family to heart. So Peter’s point is that a Christian wife should live with an unbelieving husband so that he is attracted to Christ by her beautiful behavior. Dear Dr. David. Your conversation will need to include discussion of finances, care for the children as well as tasks around the house. I encourage you to take a tough stand, make firm agreements and then hold one another accountable for those agreements. “It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs‚ It always protects‚” (vs. 4-7 NIV). Nowhere in scripture does God sanction any kind of abuse. But you cannot use Scripture to force your wife to have sex with you. ” You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out that if a good wife is trustworthy, a bad wife isn’t. 12. Rather than trying to thwart his will through manipulation or scheming, a submissive wife will seek to discover what her husband wants and do it to please him, as long as it doesn’t involve disobedience to God. Peter’s point is that disobedient husbands are more likely to be won by godly practice than by preaching from their wives. Your marriage needs to be transformed, from responsible/ irresponsible to mutually responsible. “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. I’ve always done well, graduating from college near the top of my class. It is true that a new believer is taught that “ …it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast ” (Ephesians 2:8-9). Dr. Hawkins is passionate about working with couples in crisis and offering them ways of healing their wounds and finding their way back to being passionately in love with each other. Being Like Christ. She won’t use deception or dishonesty to try to get her own way. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Do not be moved! As many of us know to be oh-so-true, there are endless things a significant other can do to make us feel downright crappy, and being lazy in the relationship is one of them. Please send your responses to TheRelationshipDoctor@gmail.com and visit my website at www.TheMarriageRecoveryCenter.com. That woman proved what Peter is saying here, that a Christian wife’s behavior should be so beautiful that it attracts her difficult, disobedient husband to her Savior. 1. While some Christians have wrongly used these Bible verses as an excuse for husbands to mistreat their wives, the verses actually communicate the vast responsibility a husband has to care for his wife and the wife’s duty to honor her husband. I calmly replied that the Bible was my only guide for such situations and that if they didn’t want to follow that, I couldn’t help them. Love cannot thrive where there is irresponsibility. From 1977-1992 he was the pastor of Lake Gregory Community Church in Crestline, California. “It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs‚ It always protects‚” (vs. 4-7 NIV). Role of Husband in the Bible. Yes, you’ve heard that before. 19:13b). But the principle is, submission is reflected by your speech. You may say, “Honey, I love you and I value our relationship. When you cut back, will he step up to accept responsibility? Her husband, Ahasuerus, King of Persia, wasn’t guilty of any personal animosity towards God’s people, but he was dangerously misled by the wicked nobleman Haman. But He really does! Forbearing means that a wife says, "OK, this may never change in my husband. For instance, the Bible does not say anything about phone sex and web cam sex. And it’s especially for you that we look into the Bible today. It’s clear the Bible says laziness is evil! The clearest picture of a Christian husband is presented in Ephesians 5:15–33. What does it mean? Third, you must guard against what Harriet Lerner calls an “overfunctioner.” You may have chosen to be with someone who under-functions in part because of this tendency on your part. A young officer who was blinded during a war met and later married one of the nurses who took care of him in the hospital. Consider this recent email from an angry woman. All rights reserved. Not only is it sinful, it is disgraceful as well. What, then, does submission mean? But when a woman feels unloved by her husband anything else good in life can feel rather meaningless. Nowhere does it say in the bible to listen to and be obedient to your husband no matter what, even if they’re wrong, and what they say goes against God. Instead, I will try to love him, bless him, enjoy him for the things about him that I delight in, and all the while be praying and modeling what I hope he will become for me." He is not forbidding all braiding of hair or wearing of jewelry, or else he’s also forbidding wearing dresses! I heard of a wife who fell into bed and exclaimed, “Lord, I’m tired!” Her husband calmly said, “My dear, in the privacy of our own bedroom, you can call me Jim.” Proper submission doesn’t require addressing your husband as lord. So, would we say it is ok for a man’s wife to have virtual sex through a web cam or phone with another man because the Bible does not address this specific situation? What does the Bible say? A quiet woman exudes a confidence in her role and giftedness. Being a Good Steward. Here’s the catch: You can’t wait for your partner to come up to some acceptable level of performance before you start to do your part. But the biblical spirit of submission involves far more than just grudgingly going along with orders (as often happens in the military). Scripture is clear that believers are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Cor. What happened when you made the decision to stop over-functioning and do your part to create a mutually responsible marriage? I would also add that it is precious in the sight of a husband! Scripture makes it clear that such irresponsibility is a form of unfaithfulness and cannot exist in a marriage. All the commands to submit are directed to wives, not to husbands. We’re constantly encouraged to stand up for our rights and to fight back when we’re wronged. Some say that the Bible never tells a wife to obey her husband, but Peter holds up Sarah’s obedience to Abraham as an example of biblical submission. What does the Bible say about being a good student? Being Lazy. The term comes from the Bible in Genesis 2:18 which reads: "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him." 1 Corinthians 15:57-58 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ! Nowhere in the bible does it say follow your husband and let him lead you, even if it’s away from God because he has power and dominion over God; He does … You can marry a beautiful woman, but beauty doesn’t make a virtuous woman. I did everything that needed done, working full time, cooking, cleaning, cars, bills, etc.. he did nothing. Proverbs 13:4 The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied. You can also find Dr. Hawkins on Facebook and Twitter. How can I get my husband to take more responsibility in our home? Both men and women, if they belong to Christ by faith, have exhibited a godly sorrow that “produces repentance leading to salvation” (2 Corinthians 7:10). I would ask him to help but it never happened. For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. Every day he has a new excuse for not working. 5:33), but because Peter’s uses of “fear” in the preceding context refer to reverence toward God (2:17, 18), I take it that way here. If you must confront, you should do it in as appealing a way as possible, so that your husband can see that you really care for him. Resentment can be a very informative emotion. How can a man fight with that kind of response? Next week I’ll hit the husbands, but today I ask each wife, even if your husband is a believer, to take a look at your behavior in this spiritual mirror and ask, “Is it attractive? A wife who does not submit to her husband is not in submission to Christ. We all are to develop a submissive spirit, to be chaste, reverent, gentle and quiet, with an emphasis on the inner person rather than on outward appearance. Submission to one’s difficult husband is not usually one of the action points! And, usually, both of them are safe until they try to prove it” (Reader’s Digest [2/83]). Otherwise, her behavior would be different. In my book When Pleasing Others is Hurting You I explain how healthy marriages are built, in large part, on mutual respect. Before the late 20th century, it never occurred to scholars to interpret these texts the way modern evangelical feminists do. 1 Timothy 5:8 ESV / 64 helpful votes. What does the Bible say? Does submission mean that a wife must suppress her personality and opinions? Bible Verses about Being Lazy. Every husband, at some point in the marriage, will say or do something that diminishes (in many cases, completely destroys) the respect that his wife once had for him. The husband is not to dominate, but to do all he can to bless and protect his wife so that she prospers in the Lord. However, the principles underlying the teaching of the husband of one wife qualification can simplify the understanding of the meaning. That seems to be lacking in your marriage and other marriages where irresponsibility is paramount. 3:7). He will see Christlikeness in her. As you let go of responsibility there may be times when you live with uncertainty. I’m not going to cover for your behavior the next time you’re drunk.”. At issue in particular, is the use of the phrases, “the husband of one wife” as found in 1 Timothy 3:2 and “the husbands of one wife” as found in 1 Timothy 3:12. Only then can a husband truly lead the wife in peace. It will be struggling for a while when your husband realizes that his lazy days as a couch potato are coming to a close, but the result will be a staying equilibrium in your marriage and life. Being Lonely. 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